To Eeyore or Not to Eeyore - Am I Depressed?
What is depression? We hear the term during medicine commercials and all over the web, but what IS it? In this short read I will define depression for you in simple terms and describe what it looks like across a variety of situations. Think of this as a self-diagnostic tool that is personal instead of being cold and clinical. If you Google the word depression, the top hits will usually be Web MD or maybe Psychology Today, but I’m guessing if you’re exploring TheBraveCompassion website, you’re not a doctor or a psychologist, am I right?
I want to answer your questions quickly and in simple terms, but to be able to do that I need to inform you that this Blogpost does not replace the advice of a medical professional. If you are having thoughts of suicide, you need to speak to a HUMAN. This blog is not going to “fix” you, only inform you. Depression happens due to a chemical imbalance in the brain or in response to a triggering event, however, suicidal ideas or plans go beyond simple depression, so if you’re even having passing thoughts, I encourage you to talk to an impartial professional therapist, not just a family member or partner.
Finally, the descriptions below are brief and don’t address how complex your mood may be. Again, this is not meant to be a clinical diagnostic. It is intended to get the conversation going, From there, it’s up to you to decide the level of help you need.
Type 1: CHEMICAL DEPRESSION
This class would fall under “disordered” or chronic sadness that doesn’t appear to have a direct cause. I call this type Eeyore depression (from Winnie the Pooh), which refers to the “blues” as some might call it. Chemical imbalances tend to be irrational, meaning there doesn’t appear to be any event or situation that is connected to the mood, and the mood is inhibiting one’s ability to perform basic daily tasks like bathing, household chores, connecting with loved ones. Chemical depression is usually the result of some problem within the physical body, with the most likely culprit being hormones.
Type 2: SITUATIONAL
Rather than reinvent the wheel, I’m going to borrow an excerpt from my book.
Amber's Story:
[…] Amber was now 39 years old, and had been in only two long-term relationships, but she always dreamed of marrying and having children. The sound of her biological clock was ticking loudly in her ears, and she felt like she had somehow failed at love. Amber’s story has a lot to tell us about our choices and how our brains develop unworkable thinking patterns. One day while scrolling, she began to think about how many times she had “creeped” her middle school boyfriend Joseph’s Facebook wall over the last several years and was astounded when she slowed down long enough to think about it. After all these years, Joseph was the one that ‘got away’, and she was shocked that she had never consciously considered this idea. Over the years she had watched him grow to become a handsome young man, and eventually lost touch with him shortly after high school. Joseph and Amber had a very short-lived romance that was sabotaged by her so-called friend. Yet here she was, still thinking about him! Whether while watching a rom com or when she saw his profile pop up in ‘people you may know,’ she realized that she had become quite skilled at immediately putting it out of her mind. Today was different because she was thinking about how she often self-sabotaged her relationships and had even done so with guys who “checked all the boxes.” But the question remains, why? Was there more here? After the initial shock of her self-discovery, Amber began to recall several conversations she’d had with her best friend Jill over the years. Time and time again, Jill would say, “Why don’t you give him a chance Amber?” or “Why do you give up so easily? So what, you had a fight. Nothing can get better if you don’t try.”
Thinking back over the years, Amber was always a strong starter and weak finisher. Being attractive meant she had plenty of suitors, and things seemed to go well for a while, but after the excitement of early courtship wore off and people’s warts started to show, Amber would invent reasons to call it quits. After sitting quietly with this revelation for a while, she recollected that the times she felt strong feelings towards boys in junior and senior high school, they had turned out to be jerks, and one was even abusive. Not wanting to be alone, she ended up dating a guy friend during high school. He worshiped her and treated her like a princess, which only made her feel like a horrible fake. They dated for most of her junior and senior years, and though he was very sweet and not unattractive, she mostly stayed with him because she didn’t want to stand out, and so the other boys would give her some space. After high school and on into her career, she would see men, but stayed away from men that she felt a strong attraction to, often thinking to herself, “Ugh, WHY am I always attracted to jerks? What’s wrong with me?” Eventually she developed a neurotic bad boy complex about being a “jerk magnet” which later devolved into a completely unrealistic “spinster” story. She was so unhappy and feeling so alone she stopped trying to look nice and even gained a few pounds because she was eating her feelings. After seeing her doctor one time, she was diagnosed with depression and put on medication which made her gain more weight. Even though she was still young and beautiful, she didn’t currently look that way. Her self-loathing increased, and since she was not actually depressed to begin with, the medication only made her gain weight, but didn’t make her feel better, especially when it came to her self esteem. She tried therapy a couple times, but all they ever did was sit and listen. One encouraged her to date. Neither approach helped.
What does Amber’s story have to teach us? For one, that there are layers of life experiences that create the stories we tell ourselves. Like Amber, you’re asking, ‘How did I get here?’ You’ve tried to get to the bottom of things, but the more you dig, the more layers you seem to uncover. You’ve heard it often said that humans are complex, and that is true, but not in the way you’re probably thinking. Now for the complex part, and by “complex”, I’m referring to a psychological term. A “complex” is a belief system built upon the following elements: emotion, memory, perception, and ambitions. A complex is at least partially if not totally subconscious*. A complex can also be unconscious**. Complexes are most frequently adaptive and functional, meaning they serve a productive purpose that is in line with our values as a person. Complexes can also be dysfunctional in nature, causing us to avoid enriching experiences or inhibiting our relationships, just like Amber.
When you consider your basic needs, they are universal, just like mine, and just like
Amber’s. I’ve simplified Amber’s story to keep this blog readable, but you can see that her “depression” was actually a symptom of her basic need for human intimacy not being met or fully realized. Most of the things we call ‘depression’, are actually just unmet needs.
Among the two major schools of thought on depression, I tend to lean towards the situational side. Over the years in my practice as a therapist I’ve dealt with some of the most dire cases imaginable, treating people with severe mental illnesses like bipolar, schizophrenia and PTSD. I also spent many years treating people with severe substance use disorders. These are extremely vulnerable populations, often facing dreadful circumstances like homelessness and total isolation. In my experience, depression is most often a symptom, not the disease. The disease is usually disordered thinking. This type of thinking is very treatable and is based on learned patterns, which is just another way to say “habit.” Pattern recognition combined with behavior change can break that persistent storm cloud following you so the sun can shine again. For more information on how you can get better NOW, not someday in the far off future, look at my online programs page.
FINAL WORDS:
If you want to get to the bottom of your Eeyore experience, I have built tools into my self-paced programs that will help you get to the bottom of things right now, and my programs do not require hours and hours of exhaustive therapy. The programs include video instructions from me and simple, self-diagnostic worksheets to guide you the entire way. My method stimulates all three learning pathways: auditory, visual and tactile (written). If you want to go deeper, you are welcome to apply for individualized coaching sessions with me. First I suggest trying a self-paced course first to see if you really need that level of help. As a society we’ve been brainwashed by the medical community to believe that any psychological struggle requires popping pills and sharing your entire life story. What’s more realistic and more often true is that you simply need to identify what basic needs aren’t fully realized in your life. Once you know what’s keeping you stuck, you can take ACTION to get unstuck! Sounds too good to be true? Well, all I have to say to that is, you don’t have to BELIEVE everything you think.
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* The subconscious mind is the part of your mind that notices and remembers information when you are not actively trying to do so, and influences your behavior even though you do not realize it.
** The unconscious mind, a concept popularized by Sigmund Freud, refers to the part of the mind that operates outside of conscious awareness. It contains thoughts, feelings, urges, and memories that are inaccessible to conscious reflection. Freud believed that the unconscious significantly influences behavior and emotions, even if we're not consciously aware of its workings. It's often associated with repressed desires, traumatic experiences, and hidden motivations.
