You Don’t Need to do EVERYTHING Yourself
Apple Pie on the Fourth of July
The first time I heard the term bootstraps myth I was in undergraduate school researching civil rights history. We all love the idea of getting a just reward for an honest day's work. In America, the general consensus is that you get what you work for, and, in many cases that holds true. It’s also known as a meritocracy, which just means that the holding of power by people is on the basis of their ability, not their race or class. I grew up in the southern U.S., and unless you live under a rock, you know that racial minorities were once denied opportunities regardless of ability. Happily, in the last several decades that has changed significantly.
You might be thinking, so what does this have to do with mid-life, relationships, and wellbeing? Everything actually. If you were born prior to the 1990’s, you have had it beaten into your head from a very young age, if you want to amount to anything in this life you have to work for it. You gotta “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” and get it done! No one is gonna give it to you. It’s the American Way. Merica! To be honest, I love the idea of self-sufficiency, but the reality is, we are all dependent on others in some way, shape, or form. Living this life requires relationships. Interdependency is what it means to be human.
When you take stock of where you are right now in life, has your bootstrapping led to abiding joy in your SELF? A vibrant, healthy marriage? Success in love? Notice I am talking about anything but material comfort or success. I’m talking about existential joy. The kind of fulfillment that can only be measured in terms of loving relationships and personal peace. Whether it’s with others, or with yourself, relationships are unavoidable. Which relationships brought you to The Brave Compassion?
The “crisis” in mid-life crisis refers to an existential crisis. A crisis of MEANING. Human beings are hard-wired to desire a sense of purpose and meaning about themselves. When men contemplate the loss of virility or masculine potency, they buy sports cars or chase younger women. As women evolve through menopause, they may seek plastic surgery to keep father time at bay. But what is really at the heart of the matter? For men it is often legacy and for women it may be experiences, but regardless of what your crisis may be, it’s never really about how you look or how much you have, but rather how you feel about the Self. The Self is the center of being. I like to refer to Self as the little girl or little boy inside. It’s the part of you that you cannot lie to. It is this beautifully pure essence, your inner child that possesses all the answers to a rich, full, and meaning-filled life. As you learn to pursue The Brave Compassion, you will discover that all of the answers to your life problems lie within you! You don’t need to look outside of your own heart, but instead learn to bravely explore the depths of your inner world, for within that world are your deepest desires and your greatest abilities to experience them!
Join me on the journey inward! As you learn how to plumb the depths of being, I will take you through the 5 Steps of Inner Awakening to unlock the fountain of youth lying dormant within. By developing radical self-honesty you will discover the POWER found in letting go. You don’t have to earn your chair at the table of humanity, only to accept your rightful place at the banquet of life’s fullness. Self-awareness is not won by pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. It is discovered by letting go of the need to work for what you already possess. If you’ve dug this deep into my website, I encourage you to use your magic wand. The magic wand questions go like this:
“If I could wave a magic wand and abracadabra my perfect life right now, what would that look like?
What would I be doing?
Where would I be doing it?
Who would I be doing it with?
Don’t hold back. Don’t play it safe. Don’t think small. Dream BIG. Remember, this is make believe, so don’t let “rational” thinking hold you back! No matter how insane your answers may sound, inside of them are seeds that can grow into your DREAM life now!
FINAL WORDS
I have built tools into my self-paced programs that will help you get to the bottom of things right now, and my programs do not require hours and hours of exhaustive therapy. The programs include video instructions from me and simple, self-diagnostic worksheets to guide you the entire way. My method stimulates all three learning pathways: auditory, visual and tactile (written). If you want to go deeper, you are welcome to apply for individualized counseling sessions with me. But I suggest trying a self-paced course first to see if you really need that level of help. As a society we’ve been brainwashed by the medical community to believe that any psychological struggle requires popping pills and sharing your entire life story. What’s more realistic and more often true is that you simply need to identify what basic needs aren’t fully realized in your life. Once you know what’s keeping you stuck, you can take ACTION to get unstuck! Sounds too good to be true? Well, all I have to say to that is, you don’t have to BELIEVE everything you think.
